Life has a way of manipulating time so that everything happens at once. And that "everything" tends to be one of two categories: good or bad.
One moment everything is adding up perfectly - the right job, the right apartment, the right classes, the right people - and the next, everything is crumbling swiftly out from under you - limited opportunities at work, lack of privacy, irritating professors, discovering that you're not necessarily someone's "right person."
And there it is again. That sinking feeling that slowly cuts off circulation to your fingers and toes, causing you to dread whatever may be coming next. That obnoxious notion that things are out of place and there's nothing you can do about it. That increasingly heavy weight that seems to have attached itself to your shoulders, dragging you down both physically and emotionally.
Schedules no longer matter because nothing is following them anyway. Planning ahead is useless because plans can, and will, be canceled. Suddenly you feel like everyone views you as no more than an object that's been placed in their lives to use as they please.
"Today I can use 'that,'" they think, and that day is particularly good for you; you're given tasks to work at and goals to achieve.
"They're in my way today, I'll just pretend they aren't there," they think the next day, making you feel inadequate, small and useless.
Questions permeate everything you do: Why do I keep coming back to the same thing over and over? What is it about that person that makes me feel unworthy? When will my boss finally recognize that I can do so much more than he's allowing me to do? Who will finally acknowledge the fact that I'm talented? How will I ever be somebody if I'm not given the chance to learn? Where is my opportunity?
Perhaps this is selfish. Perhaps we shouldn't care what others think so much. Perhaps today wasn't so bad and it was all in our head.
Or, perhaps it's time to let Someone else do the worrying; let Someone else carry that weight; let Someone else drudge in dread wondering what could possibly be worse than what just happened.
Being stubborn can be a good thing when used to persevere, but it can also be a mask for pride. Just maybe it's time to take that extra layer that's been hiding your true self off, and let Someone else take it's place.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
How is one to know where this mask starts and your true face begins? If we attempt to peel off our masks in an effort to shed our selfishness, our preconceptions, and our current attitude, don't we run the risk of taking part of our selves along with it? Some of us have been wearing these masks for so long that it's impossible to tell the face from the mask, the truth from the lies. If, then, we decide it's worth the risk to remove this mask, we run the risk of being left disfigured... scarred. Then we are neither the person we purported to be when wearing the mask, nor the person beneath it. Surely the stakes are too high to flippantly rip off our masks at will. No, we must remove them carefully and thoughtfully. Only through this process of slow reflection can we begin to remember the difference between our face and the mask. Only then can we leave behind that lie. So, I say, take it off, but do it carefully.
Post a Comment